Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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