The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
