Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I forget how to act sober
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
