Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
