I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
