i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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