and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
