people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
