I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
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