My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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