Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
