I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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