I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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