I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize