you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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