Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
