Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
