He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
