Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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