they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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