census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
