new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
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