I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
