my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
