Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
