I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
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