Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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