It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
