This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
