I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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