FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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