Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I checked into jail on foursquare
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
