so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
