Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
