Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
