He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I need water and some morals
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
