I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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