yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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