I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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