and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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