i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
