why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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