how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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