it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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