Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
