everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
