dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
