For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
