i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I am spending my child support on dildos
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
