haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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