my sisters under your porch take her home
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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