Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
