He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
