sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
