that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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