I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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