Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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