Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
