I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
