I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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