I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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