I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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