i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
