Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
