a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i think my mom watched the whole time
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Randomize
