tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
