ya dads aren't the best wingmen
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
