You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
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