I hate your face
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
there is glitter all over my balls
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
