u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
