i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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