And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
