Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize